dearly departed

dearly departed,
we're gathered here
without a moment of preparation
on your loss
it came as
a shock
to most of us
and I fell
to my knees
at the news of
your passing

I gripped
the roots
in the ground
and held myself
right there
one last time
you provided
me
with a tether
one more time
you proved
time and again that
this is just
a transition
and
not all of us
will be ready
for what comes with it.

dearly
departed
I've gathered
my teeth for you
I've filed down my fangs
I've been
stuck
in my head
for so long

if currents
are currently
creating
turbulence
I want
nothing
to do with this

dearly departed
I've gathered
your bones.
I'm not strong enough
to carry you
across
that vast desert
it's taxing on
my back
to walk
all that way

I fell to
my knees
counted
to three
closed my
eyes
and screamed.

WHY NOT ME
WHY NOT ME
DEARLY DEPARTED
WHY NOT ME