deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHO CARES?
I hate to see your face
When you’re not well
I’m sick of you
When you’re not around
A cruel irony
Not knowing your thoughts
Being close to you is unbearable
When we can’t touch
It’s an injustice
For you to be unhappy
You’re the worst in my life
If I can’t make you smile
I’ll never forgive you
If you forget
You’re the most ugliest person
When you can’t see your inner beauty
Your voice becomes awful
When you forget to laugh
You’re a fool
For not knowing how great you are
Your attitude is tasteless
When I can’t see your joy
You have no direction
If you don’t walk my way
You don’t have a clue
How I feel
You have to be crazy
If you don’t know what I’m trying to say.
When you’re not well
I’m sick of you
When you’re not around
A cruel irony
Not knowing your thoughts
Being close to you is unbearable
When we can’t touch
It’s an injustice
For you to be unhappy
You’re the worst in my life
If I can’t make you smile
I’ll never forgive you
If you forget
You’re the most ugliest person
When you can’t see your inner beauty
Your voice becomes awful
When you forget to laugh
You’re a fool
For not knowing how great you are
Your attitude is tasteless
When I can’t see your joy
You have no direction
If you don’t walk my way
You don’t have a clue
How I feel
You have to be crazy
If you don’t know what I’m trying to say.
Published 27th Feb 2012
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comments 5
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
28th Feb 2012 2:45pm
this got enough attention because it's a little rough, but this particular emotional contradiction is something i immediately connected with as i've experienced it, though not in myself. kudos on this expression [:
but some suggestions that might clean it up a little bit (in order of appearance)?
"I'm *so* sick of you"
"*And* being close...etc."
"you're the worst *thing* in my life"
"you're the ugliest" - not "the most ugliest"
"your voice is awful" - just liked it better without the 'becomes'. not necessary, just my own preference
"If you *never* walk my way" (maybe?)
"*But* you have to be crazy"
take them or leave them, but i think they might help the write if you have any love for it. it got my attention. [:
but some suggestions that might clean it up a little bit (in order of appearance)?
"I'm *so* sick of you"
"*And* being close...etc."
"you're the worst *thing* in my life"
"you're the ugliest" - not "the most ugliest"
"your voice is awful" - just liked it better without the 'becomes'. not necessary, just my own preference
"If you *never* walk my way" (maybe?)
"*But* you have to be crazy"
take them or leave them, but i think they might help the write if you have any love for it. it got my attention. [:
28th Feb 2012 3:37pm
thanks for your honesty....i'll take your comments into consideration....i'm only now starting to take my writing seriously and i know i have a way to go.thanks again.
28th Feb 2012 5:27pm
no worries, that's why we're here! i hope you can tell that i liked it enough to care.
keep it up. [:
keep it up. [:
21st Dec 2015 4:04am
Very fluid and direct. Deep with a multitude of challenges both outward and personal. Can sense the personal relevance as well... Good Read! Keep Grindin CAOS737
7th Aug 2017 3:10am
