Second

It's a stupid feeling.
That I'm always paranoid.
That no matter what I do
I'll always be second in your life.
And I do nothing but feed it.
Because I only want to see you happy.
And I fear- No, I know,
That even at my best
I'm still not your main interest.
When we talk, if you mention you're doing something else,
I automatically ask if you want to stop talking
So you can focus on it.
I always put other people before myself when I list people who care for you
Because let's face it.
I'm not very high on that list.
We may be going out.
But that doesn't mean I'm your sole focus in life.
Like you are in mine.
And right now.
As I type this.
You're upset over someone I'm quite certain you care about more than me.
Someone I've been jealous of since I first heard their name.
And when you find out
It'll cause nothing but problems.
Beacause I don't know how to handle these feelings.
I've never been in a real relationship.
Not like you have.
You may say you'll be patient.
But it'll run out.
Everyone's patience eventually runs out.
And then you'll leave me.
And you'll probably then be with her.
You say you chose me.
But I know that's only because she had too many problems then.
And if she didn't.
Then you wouldn't even stop to consider.
I'm second in your life.
I accept that.
And I don't want to make you feel bad.
But please just know.
You're first in mine.