Defective

Where am I headed?
upwind, easily singed,  
God help me, for I have meddled too much
But Jesus won't even fucking sing to me
And Mother Mary won't whisper to me
I have been alienated
I have been descended upon
It's all your fucking fault
God, It's all your fucking fault
And mother won't even believe in me
and my lover won't even breathe into me
I have been shit on and beaten like a dog
I have been kicked while on the floor
It's all your fucking fault
God, why is it always an assault?
Why can't I just drink until I am dead?
Why can't I just smoke until I am suspended from this place?
Suspended from me, from this hate
Ohhh, all this fucking disdain
I can't take it, my threshold of pain collapses
From inside, the brain and it's synapses
Deaden and dull
More, and more.
Kill me more.
more, and more.
Kill me more.

Defective detective
I am in a hive of hatred and fear.
And this all keeps me ineffective.
Shoved through my torso, stave and spear.
In my mind - a fastness founded what is protective.
The saturation slowly empties to an enlightened peer.
But I am only alive when I am at the bottom.
Learning to live a life of love
Is hard to do post mortem

But now, I know my own god.
It and I have pulled each other up
From the depths, and away from our facade.
I am it, My perception my bishop
Spirit, mine, not yours.
My third eye, open above.