the murder scene

i'm still trying to deal with it.
i'm still trying to get over
losing something
i've never had.

feeling the closeness
for a brief moment
understanding the depth of a relationship
you've never been in.

one small breath
a heartbeat
a painful idea of loss
that makes you shake
that throws you deeper

in those bouts of depression

please tell me how i can
unfold myself
actually, completely
and never feel the edge
of that knife again

slicing a small slit in my throat
just so i can feel it.