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A(nother) Letter To Someone Like You
What the fuck do you think love means?
(a different interpretation of the obvious)
You know I could have faked it too,
But I’m not that selfish,
Pathetic… or reckless.
Your mental fictions covered the bullshit
Kept you clear from succumbing to this condition.
And your forked tongue will undoubtedly be your fall from grace
But it’s your silence that’s left me stunned and speechless.
You just don’t give two shits about my own self doubt now do you?
All along I was led to believe you were the escape
Meant to remind me…
Turns out you were only the escape artist
and I was just a(nother) name on your list.
You heard I had a history of killing myself and used it to get ahead
I shouldn’t have been so surprised I guess
Your lack of shame comes naturally.
(You’re so fucking uninspired.)
But don’t get me confused because I really do understand,
You’ve been hurt before
And now
You have no self control.
That’s not to say that I saw this coming
I never expected to be a petty inconvenience…
And yes,
That means I believed every single lie you spoke.
I can’t really blame you for using your head though
You don’t have the courage to follow your heart.
That was hard news and I took it even harder
So I acted on my own and I should take the blame.
Now I’m left with this heavy heart sinking,
And a head hung low to match.
I’m a(shame.)d of myself and hope has left me fucking shattered.
This time I was out of addictions by my own admission
And I let you get the best of me.
Yeah, you caught on quick
But I still caught you one worse.
You wont catch me regretting my choices
It’s like squeezing the trigger on everyone who’s ever let me down.
I lost control
And I think I like it.
It’s the codependent collision that leaves me with a sinister smile
To creep across my face
Forming words with lifeless lips.
You fell upon me like a plague
Poisoning me (at best) when I felt so empty.
And you let me tell you more about all the lies I lead
The blackout memories I’ve been holding back,
My web of contradictions.
But the day I finally opened up
Your premeditated plan was exposed.
I wouldn’t even mind being your best kept secret,
But I guess I was just a mistake.
I’m so confused
Everything’s making perfect sense
And I guess it really should.
Never would I let myself doubt you,
But this time you shut me out for good.
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If this wasn’t love, then what the fuck was I thinking?
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Published 17th Jan 2010
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18th Jan 2010 2:13am
i get the anger and confusion of love verses the other persons view on the same relationship.. i may be wrong but I think you might like this poem I wrote out about anger and confusion and disappointment with a girl: http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/3431/
