mixed emotions

I'm gonna be honest
you just make me so nervous or I smile too much
I'm not gonna lie I promise
sometimes I pull away but then again I don't want to miss your touch

I have been saying no I don't like you for years
lately, I don't know what's coming over me
I run so you won't see my fears

there always been this attraction
I just have mixed feelings when it comes to love
but I won't take action
this pain I always feel wish I could get rid of

I use to try to avoid you
I always thought you just play games
it wasn't something that I wanted to get into
also was to busy in other relationships I was tied up with chains

now it's like I have all these feelings
this healing process is taking so long
but I'm still hurting and healing
I know I must stay strong

even those time I got mad at you because you wanted to stop saying cute stuff
it wasn't what I wanted to hear at the time
I was overwhelmed and had enough
then I wondered why love is hard to find

now I want it and I don't know why
it drives me insane
I guess everything I said mean then was a lie
everything so messed up in my brain

I won't show too much I feel people don't care
sometimes I think I need to act tough
I want something that is rare
inside I carry so much stuff

I don't know if you can handle someone who is a little out of her mind
some people just want the fantasy
guess they're just blind
but go away once their face with the reality

I do like you I do want you to be mine
I just have mixed emotions
tired of acting like I don't like you all the time
im just going with the motions