Love, and You

I've spent too long hating love being wrapped around your name
So deeply, in fact, that I created self trick games
I said I used the word because it fit better in poems and songs
Some of that may be true, but how much of it is wrong?
I've spent such little time really thinking about the facts
Because the last place I wanted to go was anywhere that led me back
I've been plagued with affliction in fear of that position
But there's no solution in fiction, just mind body friction
Now I know how holding onto this
kept me holding onto remnants
Of you
So here's what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna accept that I can't deny what I felt
It was something deep and it was easy to fucking tell
So what if I did feel it, now what?
The idea is shameful and sort of fills me with disgust
But see, even if loving you was wrong
The fact that I let myself be vulnerable makes me strong
Weakness is in the courage that you lacked to fight
But go ahead and tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night
It's alright
Cuz I'm alright

Too bad I sacrificed so much in me
Only to finally see
That there's love, and then there's you
A separation between the two
One makes me wise, the other a fool
The mistake I made was you
Just another story where a person loved and lost
Where I'd rather have never loved knowing what it would cost
I paid the price, on my life it took a toll
And I will no longer allow it to have any semblance of control

You were my muse, I got tired of writing about you
And feeling the pain of ways I wasn't right about you
So I buried my pen and hid my ink stash
Told myself to stop producing it and let my soul become ash
My love for words entangled itself in joy from your essence
Threaded itself around your absence and your intermittent presence
A web of confusion consumed me to the core
I couldn't take trying to figure you out anymore
Feelings for you had to die, but before I tried to kill them
I should have separated you from all the ways that I feel them
Then I wouldn't have became what I had become
A shame what happens when someone's desperate to be numb

I buried emotions alive to survive
My ability to write fell into the grave by their side
Exhuming it to recover what is mine
And you never were at any time.
These webs I had to unwind
To clear space too long occupied
Passion in me shall again reside
Because I have the power to revive

There's love, and then there's you
One is the root of all I do
You just got stuck in the roots
Gotta clean the residue