giving up smoking: the ritual

this heart throws itself into an architecture that
once was...
whatever it may have been:
now... a "slacking" off-shoot of a pyramid:
piled up as such... but: a stagnant heap
of rubble...

                   i have to dare to call it a heart...
a heart will be content with such matters...
a hill of rubble or a glistening pyramid / sun-dail...
but the mind:
    if it's a cube... and it is a kabaah...
                               would the ottoman mind it
being precious... when he sights his envy
of the hagia sophia?
                       the mind couldn't possibly be made
inclined to revel in a heap of rubble...
this... what would be called:
the revisionism of Samson... begin! once more...
oh but i can be permitted...
having burdened myself with over 10 years
and 20 of these torpedos smoked each day...
i can... relax... enjoy the: leftover days...
give a hard tug at the reins... refrain from...
excesses...

       wait with the annoying patience
of a spider...
                  for the ritual... a packet of cigarettes...
how many rubber bands enclose it?
ten... perhaps eight... i take them off...
and satisfy myself with putting them around
a wine cork... i light up...
i'm 18 years old again: getting drunk for
the very first time...
there's the disorientation... there is that
great stone in my stomach...
   such a brief interlude...
            i feel my limbs failing me...
         such a brief interlude with...
   allusions to: crack-cocaine... the heroin hit...
this whole plethora of stepping up
the gateway "drug"...
                     at best metaphors...

cutting down from 20 cigarettes to just 2...
             it will: reveal so much...
                          that was otherwise...
a blunt reading of the whole "affair"...
                             and this is just before going
to bed... more like: falling asleep on the floor...
then jumping into bed...
such the tremors... now i can't imagine myself
having smoked: 20 in a day...
if it is supposed to be ritual...
               it couldn't ever be coupled
with a coffee and a cigarette: first thing in the morning...
that... jack daniels has aftertastes
of blueberry bubblegum...
and that jim beam doesn't...
and that... after drinking any bourbon...
even the more tame: middle of the road scotch
is... overtly smokey...

              even if you... shove it into a fridge-freezer
and wait for... the gomme syrop consistency...
did anyone write... a poo'em about tobacco?
well... whoever said -
a cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure.
it is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied.
what more can one want?
that must have been oscar wilde...
then... what cigarettes am i smoking?!
my sense of taste is sharpened...
the fog has lifted... two days ago i killed
a man in my sleep and was known as
the zodiac killer... on the stairs someone mentioned:
a truly literary invention of genius:
the murder...
      i draw blanks on the murder...
but... now i can enjoy the alcohol...
more... since... and the smoke has lifted...
and i no longer fall into the chasm of sleep
with a mirror... i fall into it with rubble and broken
glass...
the universe can finally fuck my head
in with a dream!

            and once the ritual one is smoked...
i wait for about an hour before smoking
the second... and close the chapter - a day -
   perhaps mr. wilde wasn't referring to smoking
a cigarette... within the frame of mind of...
"sobering" up... or going cold-turkey for a day...
my third day of quitting...
on the third day: pangs of conscience...
why am i deriving so much pleasure from...
well... lucky me... tobacco is taxed...
it's not heroin... but... i have allowed myself
to elevate it to: status...
of being 16 again and getting busy-buzzing
from the froth of cheap white-lightning cider
in a youth-club with a snooker table and sleepover
permission...

to hell with chewing gum and:
synthetic approached of nicotine patches...
imagine it: a priori...
  fake it... whatever... the analytical approach
says: curb your "enthusiasm"...
from 20 down to 2... and these 2... at the end
of the day...
                   that's the analytical approach...
the synthetic approach is:
run to the pharmacist! be weak willed!
slap on a nicotine patch... chew some gum...
forget the original smokers of tobacco...
calls them apache: high for five minutes...
no time for herr-schtyg 30 minute marijuana
"menopause"... and laughter...
for the full seance of gravity... of drowning
while breathing air...
please! don't mention the choco-bytes of peru
or: whatever came from that...
splinter continent...
            
       departure points...
   capitalists... neo-capitalists...
youtube... video making...
  sponsor hustling - ad-revenue 'clops' -
capitalists...
            the capitalists...
that were the engineers that made...
video-streaming...
         not all...
   a capitalists... by... 19th century standards
and: prior...
KRUPP... the krupp family...
                  em... ford...
                        a snap-chat... twitch streamer:
capitalist... venture...
                  venture-capitalist...
roy orbison: robinson crusoe capitalism...
magic strings and usb-oyster insert:
button...
        i like the old capitalists...
the power brokers...
the... mean-toddlers...
                  capitalism for the sake of money...

no... wait... geoffrey faber - 1929...
publisher... publishes... sub-contracts
authors...
capitalist... well thank god...
ultra-pseudo-capitalist: platform...
             content is free: no... wait...
you have to invest in the platform...
                  drug-addict: the best piece of ass
in the world... froth-at-the-mouth...
content... it's not legit: no paper...
              capitalist...
a capitalist that: gives work to...
200 engineers... 2,000 metallurgy workers...
or... 20,000 homeless poets and "poets"...
in waiting... capitalist: ask.fm: capitalist...
spotify... £0.002 for each song streamed...
capitalist!
                neu-band-windth...
                        pimpin'-whores...
               neu-brave... neu...
                    the logistic of the enterprise
of: optics... would... ah... never mind...
what isn't solved by £130 once a year... or two...
in an hour in a brothel...
than... otherwise... renting a flat...
having a loan on a car...
     spending too much money on clothes...
perfumes... drinks...
for a what otherwise becomes...
a gambling addiction...
             bollocks to that... sign me up!
straight to the bulgarians i go...

- by the tender-roots: a loving grace...
           a fatherly delusion...
                  none of my own... yet with...
mother death...
the illusion of pandering to...
                the conclave.... of... we...
about... to... change... the world...
using... nothing... more... than...
the logic of... Archimedes...
              by the tender-roots: a loving grace...
        and that: fuck-load of...
impulse and: leverage... just about right:
tight... straining in all the right... place...

sore thumbs: misfits of knuckles...
to give up writing poetry is the energy of youth...
to become a retired: et al.
of teacher, activist... humbled sea-gull...
a richard levine...
   not to diminish the reading...
  to entomb it... to squabble with a moth over
the insomnia of light and...
the ready-and-whore-waiting:
access to the wardrobe for her to
deposit her larva of...
then the argument with the cat who
pretended it was all about alcatraz:
through the window he jumped onto
the roof with my back turned...

         hoarse worth of voice attempting
to woo him back: to sleep sensibly: not as a stray...
in the garden with the foxes...
this is hardly an over-arching Dickensian
chapter... it's a quasi-taped-together
lot of... 3 paragraphs worth... at worst...

- these capitalists... "capitalists": major majors...
treating "mental health" like it's some
gimmick for: talking intelligently
to low i.q. people: the juggling act...
                left to their own purposes...
the gnashing of teeth...
the song sung... when... wood is broken...
chopped... contra.. when it is tailored
by a carpenter to suit a sitter:
via a chair...
                         is it really a contenst between
the quadratic of:

marconi                        fessenden




dubilier                         popov?

i much appreciate the comment section?
sideline: hobby... am i being paid for...
writing + pandering to... what?
cheap shit: hot bagels...
you either like it or...
        i would be pandering to an audience...
if... i was... but i'm just content with
having the canvas: made available!

"too long"... too short... i guess i wish i was
a teenager once again...
fortunetly for all of "us": i'm not.