the first love, now the backup plan.

i'm lying on my back in the fetal position, sobbing in on the shower floor.
no sound will come out accept me gasping desperately for air.
i held the blade to my skin
one
two
three
i lost count after the 20th mark
my blood is mixing with the water rushing down the drain.
i can't feel anything.
pulling myself together, i put on a pair of joggers and a hoodie and show up at your door.
no matter much it hurts to see you with her,
i will still be right by your side when you need me.
or when you get excited about something with her and need to share.
remembering the days when you loved me this way.