Depression

I have depression. I don't just feel sad.. it's the world is fucking ending due to me being alive kind of sad. Sadness and depression can't just be gotten over. Like a cold or even a broken heart.

The wheels constantly turn in my head.. voices of disappointment, hatred for myself and fear of everything. The voices are not very kind and very unforgiving.

I can't just say I don't want to be an adult today. I have a life I need to live but getting out of bed is the hardest sometimes. I dream of pulling the covers over my head and just being invisible to the demons who tell me I am a fuckup and my life is not worth living.

But at the same time, the sadness is my best friend. Always there when I need it the most. I have grown up with sadness like two conjoined twins of my mind. My ying to its yang.

Sadness doesn't leave; if I say something stupid or get mad when I make a mistake.. it reassures me i am correct that i am stupid. In the dark times when i am feeling at my loneliest, sadness holds me when I need to cry. It protects me from letdowns of happiness because I already knew I couldn't do the job right.
and is my best friend at times when I have no one who will understand....  it's my sadness.

The world turns and I am nothing but a speck on the windshield of life.