Third wheel

i've felt like this for the larger part of my life with respect to my immediate family
Often i wondered if i was adopted -- became the < Family Lie >
i've been seen and invited back into the fold (well, sort of) after my younger brother died.

For decades,
i've stayed away to ease everyone's conscience and now though they don't want to talk about the past
at least now they listen.

You notes pretty much says it all
as Your spill describes Your frustration of trying to be a component in the relationship(s) dynamic

I would add to Your note:
Drink and be.....................& be patient.