Please Don't See

Please don't see me as I sob over a 4 year old memory that shouldn't hurt anymore.

Please don't see me and continue tapping away at your phone as I tap my leg and count to try and calm the 3 no 10 no 20 thoughts racing through my head at once.

Please don't see me in the lobby to the therapist office because God forbid you feel pity for me and I have to pretend you don't look just like the doctors looking at the bruises and muscle of the legs that I hate so much.

Please don't see meas I fight against anxiety while baking because despite my trust I can't stop expecting someone to yell at me for the uneven slices of rolled dough.

Please don't see me in 5th period as all my will to live fades for reason I will never know.

Please don't see me as I apply layer after layer of wall trying my face into a smile as I die.

Please don't see me as I sing along with them trying to figure out why I am worth any more than the clothes in my back because mother never lies, unless it is in front of a judge.

Please don't me as I pray to take the edge off the day because I can't see the disappointment on my God's face at the mistakes I will always make.

Please don't see me on the days where counting to ten doesn't work and I can't see the floor in front of me.

Please don't see me as I lie to my doctor because I hate people feeling bad for me.