50-50-90

Demons swimming  
But i hide them well  
Put on my happy face    
As i go into the world  
Look at me    
Everything's great i tell them  
Even though  
Deep inside i know its not  
What they don't see is me  
The 3 hours it took to tell myself its okay  
You'll be fine  
They are going to be waiting for you again  
If you don't just  
OPEN THE F@#KING DOOR AND GO  
Why is it so hard    
To put on this costume of joy and happiness  
Why can't i believe what others do  
Why can't i see what other's see  
Because what they believe is what I lead them to see  
Because what they see is what I want them to believe  
It's the me i want to be deep inside  
But I just can't seem to find the way to get there  
There is no f@#king map  
No GPS hollering to turn right in a 1/2 mile  
I am at a constant fork in the road  
Taking the wrong way each time  
Hoping it is going to get lighter as I travel  
But it Never Does  
You See the two paths does not equal a 50% chance of choosing the right one  
It does not work that way with me  
For me its always 50-50-90  
If there is a 50% Chance to choose the right path  
and 50% chance to choose the wrong one  
I always have a 90% chance to choose the wrong one  
But this is what keeps me going  
That little tiny 10%  
You see there is a chance  
That someday  
Somewhere    
I will pick the right one  
My darkness will fade slowly to light and I can face the world feeling the way they see me  
That's what its all about right?  
that tiny chance  
is still a chance  
its what i got  
but until then i have my costume  
and a 10% chance to make it