The Fool Who Couldn't Make A Difference/ from: dkzk'sGreatCommunications

 
 
"It seems a trivialization. A blasphemy  to her having been here & being taken away.......  
 
Maybe i just cannot stop punishing my self for some gratuitous reason.  
Maybe my pain is what makes the only connection for me right now..  
Maybe doing the death-fantasy seems an easy & flimsy way out, which is why most (daresay "normal") folks go that way.  
Maybe my guilt at not giving her the tools of "making it in the real world"....couldn't give'em, cause i guess i never had 'em to give.  
Maybe my guilt at not having been there when she most needed me.  
My selfishness at being 1000miles away, cavorting on a fckn beach, while she suffered the torment of whatever it was that drove her to drink  herself to death.  
 
Maybemaybemaybe bla'bla'blah.  
Thank you guys for caring. "  
 
 
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