Blank

Enveloped by hollowing darkness that creeps at night
Hiding away the shadows of my misery
Anxiety wriggling in as these walls close in on me

I See Nothing yet I Feel everything

I hear the pain of rejection, echoed loudly in this void
"YOU WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING"
These words are still replayed in my sub-conscience
They still haunt me, each time I fail an attempt

The taste of bitterness still lingers in my tongue
for all the distasteful words I've exchanged,
most times I wish to take them back and apologize
but pride came before the fall and still has a stronghold on me

Hatred roams in the corridors of my heart
Holding on to the past
Reminding me of all this pain
And safeguarding my heart against its Deja vu

I am learning to tame my salacity
Respect women and retain their value
Not hold them accountable for the wrongs done to me by just one of their own

Drugs are still friends
They understand me better and won't judge

Love holds no value to me
It had long been demerited by rejection and bitterness
Faithfully replaced by casual sex and addictive stimulants
I wish I didn't have to attend therapy bi-weekly
I wish I didn't have to attend it at all
But each time I try to deal with this on my own
My mind shuts down
  leaving me blank!