I often wonder what itís like  
To feel hopeless, at the end  
Is it this feeling that I have right now  
Like my chest is caving in  
I canít control my breathing
I feel dizzy, my head spins  
The swelling keeps occurring †
Disorientation it begins  
The medicationís wearing off  
I take another dose  
The clock tells me Iím late again  
I take the pills and my eyes close  
I think about the morning †
Forgetting moments of the day  
My bodyís getting tired  
And itís †time to sleep they say  
Am I really crazy?  
Am I really that insane?  
As I deepen the small scratches †
The ones I open to feel pain  
Relive the way I made them  
Slowly glide the razor through †
Watch it as it bleeds some more  
Watch it drips with thoughts of you  
Iím forgetting why I live this way  
Why I long to watch the blood  
Why I donít think that it matters  
Why this makes me feel so good  
I can say that Iím happy †
To be a functional suicide  
Everyday I find a way to die  
Fills the emptiness inside  
It may not take me anywhere †
As my plans never manifests  
But I smile as I live this out  
I fail at my private test  
I float inside the bathtub †
As I let the blood flood out  
The water hits my chin  
I sense drops of blood seep out  
My hair is almost angel like †
As it floats around in space  
I lift my arm up slowly  
And let the drops drip on my face
Written by Diaryofabasketcase (Silvia Rosario)
Published | Edited 1st Sep 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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