Self defence

You're out there enjoying the hobby I loved and fantasised about.

I was always scared to alone, I'm so proud of you.

Parts of me wants to join you, yet my body weak.

That side of me gone bleak, I can't fight no more.

My bodys In pain, I rejoice in seeing your spirits high.

Even if I want to cry, my strength has died.

I love you insanely and I'm so proud of you.

I wish I could speak but the sadness has me under a defeat. I'm attending the doctors. I'm rambling on to a page with no answers.

Sick to my core working for sure, I push push push yet crumble to the floor.

I wish a fight would cure it but my ptsd really bad, flinching at little things.

I'm hiding so god dam bad, I need to release yet I'm underneath..

Cant seem to find my feet.