I smoke

I'm tired
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of living
I'm tired of breathing
I'm tired of caring
I'm tired of hoping
I'm tired of everything
 
I'm tired, drained, parched, empty
I'm tired. worn out, exhausted, flushed
I am tired of life
Yet I'm too afraid of death
So I smoke
 
I inhale toxic waste to numb my pain
I snort coke from time and again
I'm a junkie always craving an adrenaline rush
Anything to make me forget!
ANYTHING to make me forget!
 
I hate it when people call me a junkie though!
Yes I'm a junkie
I crave an escape
That's why I snort
Although I know it will never take my problems away
Never will it end my pain
Never will it make me forget
Never will it fill the void within
But at least for a while I won't really care
And so please STOP reminding me I depend on substance to be sane
Please don't call me a junkie
 
I tried quitting
I tried so hard
I cried so much
I denied it so much of myself
I buried so much of myself hiding from it
Yet sober, thoughts would come and invade my space
They'd torment me
Torture me so hard
and so much
That I not only crave for an escape
Yet I'd long and I'd lust for them to "shut the fuck up"
And in just one single line
In just a nail-full snort,  
they would leave me in peace
Until the drug stops shielding me
And so I snort again
3/4 times a day
Once at night