suicide....no i did not want to die

I lay on this bed wishing i was dead
i smile to those i talk to and pretend
i don't want to end this life
i start to feel as if this body isn't mine
the way i talk
the way i write
it all seems so out of sight
and no one ever notices the signs

lock my door so I'm alone
feel this emptiness and the cold
take this blade and then i cry
wishing i didn't have to say goodbye
sitting there numb like a machine
only there is nothing that can fix me

no morphine can fix me
im stuck in a daydream
thinking of escaping
this world that has broken me

wondering if ill be missed
wondering what i did to deserve this
wondering why i can't be fixed

will they see the error of their ways?
will they stop being so fake?
will they admit im not the problem?
will this pain finally end?
will i go to heaven?

i press the blade deep into my skin
it hurts like a bitch and i cry feeling
so broken. was i meant to die?
they don't deserve a goodbye
and i won't tell them why

i bleed onto the sheets
feeling so weak
the abuse
the anger
the hate
has led me to my fate

no goodbyes
no questions why
no fucking lies
no i did not want to die