Just thinking

Bet you never would’ve guessed that I had a nervous breakdown  
Or dispute everything I have told you
 I really really loved being a mom that I really loved my husband but I hated being a wife but that shit is over    
But is it  
I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter but this shit    
Keeps playing    
Stuck on repeat    
Now I’m forced to think about it and I come up with this  
that this shit is why I can’t keep a job because I don’t have nobody to provide for I mean    
 I still  do it for T even though I’m not appreciated or respected as her mother    
 but I’m empty

Bet you never would think
that I hate going around my parents  since they did that fuck shit, instead of just coming to me and asking me what was going on  
I appreciate them and love them but  
I mean they could have fucking just asked me what I was feeling and they would have found out that that I needed their fucking help    
That I wanted their Got Damn help    

Now I’m this fucking Shell    
hiding the real me not to be seen    
Only to be missed    
Missing my world    
and crazy thing about this shit is
 I still blame no one about my shit I just sit and think