The Multipurpose Marital Aid Book

The Multipurpose Marital Aid Book  
  
     My petition begins, “Ma’am do you work here?”  
     She emerges from behind the desk. Her lips are stained with raspberry lipstick. Her face is mocha-hued. She beams naughtily with passionflower flaming smile.  
     The tech Girl invites me into her space. “Hi there, how can I help you?”  
     My entreaty deepens. “Well, I can’t log off my email. There seems to be a problem with the browser being unsupported.”  
     She bends at the waist and clicks at icons. Her sweatpants reveal the beauty of her derriere. Her bottom is wide with her cheeks parted. I gaze at her posterior with the utmost fascination. She clicks all over my email to no avail.  
     My opening widens. “Hey, maybe you could just clear the browser of passwords. That might work.”  
     The Tech Girl dance seems to climax. “Yep, you are right. That will probably do it. Hey, there you are. You are logged off.”  
     My gratitude is offered with an eye gleam. “Thank you so much. I appreciate that very much.”  
     She says, “You know, one day my dream is for all the paper books to be recycled and only computer terminals to be accessible for information. If this place ever caught fire it would be a mighty bonfire. It is much better to have the internet as the sole storage for everything from poetry to aerospace manuals.”  
     “Yes, having bound copies is purely nostalgic.”  
     “Think of all the trees felled in the rainforest to fill this edifice,” she says.  
     “Those jungles are the lungs of the earth. A reader can have a whole library on the web. It is time for sanity on this planet lest we perish” I say.  
     “Oh and don’t get me started on honeybees. They have a utopian matriarchal society with the queen bee at the center. And they are the key to pollination of fruits and some vegetables.”  
     “The male drones meet death before their lives have truly begun.”  
     She says, “Yes but they do so in ecstasy after inseminating a virgin queen. Mating with a virgin is the ubiquitous male dream. Their penis is ripped from them during sexual intercourse in a sacrifice for the sake of the colony, truly a noble purpose.”  
     “Well aside from their macabre but necessary mating ritual what is the trouble in bee land?”  
     “Pesticides are wreaking havoc on the drone’s potency. The drones, whose primary role is to inseminate a virgin queen, are becoming impotent. They are shooting blanks.”  
     I say, “Fertility among human males is dropping too, likely due to pesticides and pollution. We have a lot in common with the bees because we are all in it together.”        
     “We think alike on this issue and others to I bet.”        
     The loudspeaker says, “The reference desk is now closed. The library will be closing in ten minutes. Please check out all materials and proceed to exit the building.”  
     She stands erect and looks up at me with a wicked grin. Our dance of words opens a door. “Would you like to check me out and take me home? You can only have me for one night because I have to be back at work tomorrow.”  
     “Don’t I get renewals?”  
     “Unlimited renewals as long as you keep me in good condition. You know it’s just you and me alone here. The staff and patrons are leaving and I have a key to the building. I noticed you staring at my ass.  You must have liked what you saw. You sure did gaze at it the whole time. I’d say you’re a dirty old man.”  
     My confession seals the deal. “Well yes, I am busted. And I am a lecherous man.”    
     The Tech Girl opens my eyes to her derriere. “Well describe my rear. Tell me what you see.”  
     Her globes inspire the poet in me. “I see the perfection of feminine proportions. I love the roundness and the way your moons part so beautifully. There is a hypnotic symmetry to your buns. Your fleshy pillows are firmly muscular like a runner. They are magnificent as a double moon rise in chocolate grandeur. I hunger to touch and squeeze your globes.”  
     The loudspeaker says, “The circulation desk is now closed. Please deposit all unchecked out material into the return slot and depart the library through the entrance. Have a nice evening.”  
     The lights begin to dim. She unlocks her secret garden under the library night light. “Well, we’re alone. Go ahead and feel me. I don’t mind.”  
     She bends over the computer table. I hold her cheeks and fondle them with my fingers. I pull them apart and sink my fingers into her cleft.    
     She blesses me to roam with a book. “You know what you’re doing ole dude. I love the feel of a really professional ass massager. Now take this nineteenth-century paperback book, ‘Forbidden Fruit’ and press it into my bird of paradise flower. Go ahead our only companions tonight are the books and each other. There is no one to catch us.”  
     My starry-eyed wonder grows. “I never imagined this happening in the computer lab. This is way more fun than surfing the net.”  
     The Tech Girl invites my conversion into her deeper mysteries. “Well, now I want you to rub me down there in my perineum with that softcover. But while your left hand is getting my literary groove on I want you to roll up a magazine and swat my derriere. Go ahead, don’t be shy. I won’t tell on you. This is consensual after all.” I press into the cotton fabric and sink the spine of the book into her rose petal universe. I push hard into it. She moans.  
     She knights me with her hand on my sword.    
“You’ve been such a good boy. I bet you’re as hard as a rock. Let me feel you. Yep, I was right. Your zipper must be about to burst.”    
     My words flower into her beauty. “Well, I must admit your bottom has inspired me to dream.”    
     She leads me into realms of light and darkness where heaven awaits. “My ass is even more luscious without these sweatpants. I bet you’d like to get the full show. Though I’m a non-circulating item an exception can be made for you to check me out for twenty-four hours. I’ll be your ‘Encyclopedia of Sexuality.’ Then my exhibitionist beast can be set free. Now while I’m bent over like this, take advantage of me.” I slide the book between her legs while smacking her with the literary journal until she clamps down hard and pumps her hips.  
     I dip the trade paperback into the cusp of her flower cosmos. “Is this what you had in mind?”  
     “Just keep it there until I’m finished.” Her spandex clad posterior is a smile with no need of lipstick. Her Venus whorls until um hmm and ah become Ooh la la.    
     “Hey, quiet down. Security could burst in at any minute.”  
     She drives me on like a stallion. “Fuck the guards, I’m on fire.” When her gallop slows to a halt she says, “Meet me at the university recreation center. We both need some hydrotherapy by those high-pressure showers. Once, finished we can resort to square one at the coffee shop.”    
     “Why do you choose public places like this for sex?”  
     “I promised my husband not to sleep with anyone and not to get myself off in front of him. You see he is impotent. He would feel emasculated by me having an orgasm with him being crippled. He said I can use erotic books but not in his presence. He also doesn’t want me to sleep with other men. So here I have gotten off with a book without intercourse or nudity. I have lived up to my part of the deal. Shall I see you out the door?”    
     I say, “With the utmost haste.”  
     “Don’t feel bad. You have provided an outlet for my sexual needs in a way that keeps me true to my marital vows. How can that be wrong?”  
     I say, “That book is pretty warped and damaged. May I keep it as memorabilia?”  
     “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she says.