deepundergroundpoetry.com
Christopher
For you, my Love
I would share a soul.
Apart from you,
I would be but half of whole.
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack forget that time exists.
When all my atoms re-disperse
and scatter through the universe,
Its there I'll wait with you in mind,
Until at last we intertwine.
I would share a soul.
Apart from you,
I would be but half of whole.
Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack forget that time exists.
When all my atoms re-disperse
and scatter through the universe,
Its there I'll wait with you in mind,
Until at last we intertwine.
Published 24th Nov 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 945
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
25th Nov 2011 11:57am
These three lines are utter perfection:
"Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack forget that time exists."
An excellent play on the old nursery rhyme. Feels a bit like song lyrics.
Overall this is a sweet and charming love poem, which brims with melancholic hope. I think you need an "a" before "whole" in L4, but that's the only nit I can pick here. I love the rhyme of "re-disperse" and "universe" too.
Thanks for the read, Daisy.
"Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack forget that time exists."
An excellent play on the old nursery rhyme. Feels a bit like song lyrics.
Overall this is a sweet and charming love poem, which brims with melancholic hope. I think you need an "a" before "whole" in L4, but that's the only nit I can pick here. I love the rhyme of "re-disperse" and "universe" too.
Thanks for the read, Daisy.
26th Nov 2011 2:11am
I'm so glad you liked it Jack. I thought of you after I wrote those three lines.
13th Mar 2012 5:44am
I like this...it's short but holds an immense
love that carries through. A great one!
love that carries through. A great one!
