deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mosaic
Women
We skies,
our palette sunrise.
Paint and pardon in our handle grains
watercolor wishes to handle pains.
We woke
by brawn brush stroke.
Recover our imaginations
with amethyst affirmations.
Don’t need validation we WILL canvas.
We are divine designs,
drawn like Giotto's perfect circle
in our sister’s embrace.
We can reach the man on the moon
and color Mona Lisa’s face.
We are the spray can,
turned drum roll,
down sidewalk
before a graffiti masterpiece.
We are not in pieces.
We are a montage of mosaic marvels.
We’re the broken crayon
in little hands
that make scribbles scripture
and warm mother’s hearts.
Women we
are God’s tools and art.
IG: Nourish_Cruz
We skies,
our palette sunrise.
Paint and pardon in our handle grains
watercolor wishes to handle pains.
We woke
by brawn brush stroke.
Recover our imaginations
with amethyst affirmations.
Don’t need validation we WILL canvas.
We are divine designs,
drawn like Giotto's perfect circle
in our sister’s embrace.
We can reach the man on the moon
and color Mona Lisa’s face.
We are the spray can,
turned drum roll,
down sidewalk
before a graffiti masterpiece.
We are not in pieces.
We are a montage of mosaic marvels.
We’re the broken crayon
in little hands
that make scribbles scripture
and warm mother’s hearts.
Women we
are God’s tools and art.
IG: Nourish_Cruz
Published 12th Jan 2019
| Edited 15th Jan 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 5
reads 385
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Jan 2019 10:37pm
loved every bit of this. it's playful, strong, vibrant, and rich with style and color.i very much enjoy strong female characters in society and I've gotten so much shit for loving female fronted punk bands over the years lol. it took me back to my childhood when my mother took us to the worlds fair park in Knoxville for the annual Indian pow wows. the headdresses, the dancing, and tradition. well penned piece, much enjoyed.
13th Jan 2019 7:26pm
I am a fan of (restrained) alliteration and internal rhyme, so this was a delight for me to read. Having said that, the repetition of "handle" on lines three and four felt slightly jarring. Perhaps a different word for one of them, unless of course, the repetition is integral to the poem.
I liked the reference to Giotto's Circle.
In the line with Mona Lisa, "face" might not require a capital "F".
In the three lines:
We are not in pieces.
We are a montage of mosaic marvels.
We are the broken crayon
There are three repetitions of "We are..." . If you wanted to, you could reduce this by writing something like:
We are not in pieces. (OR "Neither in pieces" which I think might flow better)
nor a montage of mosaic marvels.
We're the broken crayon
And the final stanza could be more impact via a small format adjustment:
We're the broken crayon
in little hands
that make scribbles scripture
and warm mother’s hearts.
Women we
are God’s tools and art.
This is a poem that I totally enjoyed and I am so glad to have followed you, otherwise I might have missed it.
I liked the reference to Giotto's Circle.
In the line with Mona Lisa, "face" might not require a capital "F".
In the three lines:
We are not in pieces.
We are a montage of mosaic marvels.
We are the broken crayon
There are three repetitions of "We are..." . If you wanted to, you could reduce this by writing something like:
We are not in pieces. (OR "Neither in pieces" which I think might flow better)
nor a montage of mosaic marvels.
We're the broken crayon
And the final stanza could be more impact via a small format adjustment:
We're the broken crayon
in little hands
that make scribbles scripture
and warm mother’s hearts.
Women we
are God’s tools and art.
This is a poem that I totally enjoyed and I am so glad to have followed you, otherwise I might have missed it.
14th Jan 2019 8:01pm
Thank you so much! I made some of those corrections already. When I get off work I will continue to make the poem better. I did realize the “handle” usage twice. I’m just not sure what else rhymes that would makes sense.
14th Jan 2019 11:43pm
Do any of these help?
watercolor wishes to examine pains.
watercolor wishes to manage pains.
watercolor wishes to oversee pains.
watercolor wishes to look after pains.
watercolor wishes to examine pains.
watercolor wishes to manage pains.
watercolor wishes to oversee pains.
watercolor wishes to look after pains.
2nd Mar 2019 4:34am
