Pig in a Web 1.0

 A play    
   
It is very early morning, just before dawn.   The scene is nearly black but dimly lit in moonlight, crickets and frogs chirp distantly. sheep mutter in soft numerics. Suddenly an owl hoots softly. The lights increase slightly to reveal a dark barn environment.
 
Sheep 1: listen!    
Sheep 2: I hear crickets! And frogs! And a squooshy, chewy sound.    
Sheep 3: Shhhh…. It's dark… keep counting.    
Sheep 1: Seriously, do you hear that? Its the sound of something special…. The sound of a mommy pig snuggling newborns and eating placentas!    
Sheep 2: shut up! The cock didn't crow. I’m freaking tired!    
Cock rrrrroooorrrrooooo!    
Sheep 3 will he ever learn to crow properly?    
Sheep 1: Imma go get some grass before I bake in the waking sun…. Chill out my buds.    
Sheep 2&3 try to sleep on while Sheep 1 walks off stage…. Small squeal is heard.    
Sheep 1: off stage: awww, man, poor little piggy! Didn't see you down there. Life can be so short. Mommy! Over here! I think you lost one!    
   
Scene 2    
Mommypig: Oh, no! That stupid little runt! He ran off while I was eating breakfast. Is he hurt?    
Sheep 1: He got back up in a daze, but I think the farmer is coming to help us now…    
Willy: Who am I and why am I in this filthy barn?    
Sheep 1: I guess he is pretty stupid, miss Mommypig!    
Mommypig: Why, I'm your mommy and you were born here! You are a yummy little pig, too small and stupid to be raised for slaughter. The farmer will eat you now… I mean see you now… you’ll get a hot meal and a bath, don't worry your little head about it anymore!    
Willy: I have never been anywhere else but already I hate this stupid dump! Somehow, mommypig, I feel you must be wrong about everything! You don't know what it's like to be me… you just think you understand! I don't need you, or your milk. I'm cooler than you. At least I'm sure to be right about that.    
Mommypig: if you would just line up and drink like the other babies you could get big and then maybe you’d get a little life experience.    
Willy: I don't like your boring food. I don't like eating in a crowded room with a bunch of ignoramuses. I had to share a womb with all them! They're not my friends! I want to eat at a different table, with new friends. I'm better than this.    
Mommypig: Many of your siblings are the dams and sires of future piglets. Prize winners like your mom and dad. You should aspire to be more like them.    
Scene3    
   
Heather: Daddy, where are you going with your ax?    
Daddy: To get more yummy meat for your lunches, my dear!    
Heather: oh, daddy, I love pork! Will you kill a little piggy for me?    
Daddy: That's the plan. Want to see what I chose? It will be tender and delicious… a new baby.    
Heather: Daddy, you are so cool! The best! Thank you!!    
Scene 4    
Willy: …stupid! Stupid! STUPID!!    
Willy is yelling in his sleep… the farmer wakes him gently with tickles….    
Farmer: Who's a cute little piggy? Yummy, yummy!    
Willy giggles and wakes.    
Willy : Mom! Somebody is cooler than you!!    
Heather: Ewww… daddy, he's too runty! I could grow him and make a little money if he got fat, can I? You said I should earn my bike this summer. I’ll spoil him into a juicy little butterball! Let me keep him in my room at first, please!    
Daddy: Anything my little princess wants, within reason. So let's talk to your mom.    
Heather looks down nervously.    
Heather: yes, Pa.    
Daddy: Don't take that tone with me, young lady. You’ve already been to that audition.    
Heather: I should have been Laura. “Lonely Log Cabin” will be splinters without me.    
Daddy: You couldn't even pretend to be meek for 5 minutes. But you make a great pig farmer’s daughter!    
Heather: I know! I should go to the audition for “Sharlot’s Web!” I’d be the perfect Fern!    
Daddy sighs, defeated.    
Heather: I think I have a name for the runt.    
Daddy: Isn't it a little gross to name your food?    
Heather: Nah. I'm planning to sell him, not eat him!    
Daddy: Just tell me and get it over with.    
Heather: Willy! As in, will he get a bike for me?    
Daddy: Just as long as you don't forget that pigs are food, not people.    
Heather: …or pets!    
Daddy: Pets or meat. Good girl!    
Daddy: Speaking of getting into character like a good little actress, could you pretend to be just a tiny bit meek for 2 short minutes while i talk to Mommy?    
Heather: You don't usually call her mommy….    
Heather opens her mouth to say more but Daddy warns her with a stern look.    
Daddy: What I call mommy is between her and I. Not for you to make fun of.    
Heather thinks for a minute….    
Heather: Daddy? Can you make inside walls thicker?    
Daddy: No, but you can make the T.V. louder. But today we will both talk to mommy. And you will be quiet if you want that pig!    
Scene 5    
The kitchen is filled with the glorious smell of sizzling bacon as it is plated with eggs and potatoes. Mommy is working frantically and looks cross.    
Mommy: The baby spat up on the floor while I was running to save my bacon. I swear, I take on too much! It's not the kids, it's the farm! Can't we all go somewhere warm and live on 300$ a month? Wouldn't you rather be fishing?    
Daddy: speaking of…. I mean, I need to discuss something with you….    
Mommy: I don't need more complications in my house from your stressful farm projects! I’m still trying to clean up breakfast! Ok, sorry for being cross, but….    
Mommy turns around to see Wilbur with Heather.    
Mommy: oh, my God, no. We’ve done this before. Last time for a 4H project, but the dog ate Ben’s homework.  What on earth does she want it for?    
Heather: Can we leave my big brother out of this? I was just starting to forget about him. He's terrible with farm animals…. and sisters.    
Mommy: Daddy, you’ve lost your mind.    
Daddy: She wants to sell it for her allowance money to get a bike. I’ll be keeping tabs on Heather the whole time. This time you won't find a rotting piglet head behind your couch, I promise. And Ben’s pet Scooter sleeps outside these days.    
Mommy: When we put him down we should feed him to the pigs. Then everybody wins. Okay, keep the runt out of my hair and away from my nose - alive or dead. Breakfast today was made in honor of a very special girl who got all A’s this semester. Otherwise, I’m sick of cooking these stupid pigs. Love you all!    
Mommy turns and leaves.    
Heather: Thank you, Daddy! Why the sad face?    
Daddy: Because I know what I just got into. This pig is not good news for me. You go run and play, now.    
Heather excitedly forgets the pig in a rush out the door to play.    
Heather: Pam said she was coming over!    
Daddy sighs and looks at the pig.    
Daddy: I guess you need a bottle.    
Ben walks in with Scooter and a rifle. Goes to the cupboard and sets a box of dog treats down on the table. Taking a small empty sack out he begins filling it with biscuits. He throws one to Scooter.    
Ben: who's a good boy?    
Scooter: Ruff!    
Ben: Hey Dad, your not doing a 4H project for Heather, I hope.    
Daddy: It's not for 4H. She just wants to earn her own allowance.    
Ben: it looks like you’ earning it.    
Daddy: Because she needs training. She could learn a lot from caring about a newborn.    
Ben: Looks like she won't be learning to breastfeed! Have you told mom? Are your affairs in order? Will I be in your will?    
Daddy: it's just a baby pig for crying out loud! I'm a pig farmer. Don't you think I know what I'm doing? She might inherit the farm one day.    
Ben: Then mom will disown you both! You know she hates these pigs.    
Daddy: if you know so much, how come your pig is dead?    
Ben: Scooter and I are going duck hunting. Cause if we know how to do one thing, it's killing small animals. Have fun saving that pig from Heather!