deepundergroundpoetry.com
Smokers Corner
nothing to do
but have a smoke or two
watch the smoke rings linger
tap the ash with my finger
inhale the night
and nicotine
of all the places
I have been
the smoke pits best
for contemplation
although they say
your life's duration
is minimized
I'm willing to make
that compromise
the truth of the matter is
everybody dies
but have a smoke or two
watch the smoke rings linger
tap the ash with my finger
inhale the night
and nicotine
of all the places
I have been
the smoke pits best
for contemplation
although they say
your life's duration
is minimized
I'm willing to make
that compromise
the truth of the matter is
everybody dies
Published 14th Oct 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
14th Oct 2011 2:35pm
The message here reiterates the typical excuse that smokers (and drinkers for that matter) use to continue smoking. I know, because I smoked for 20+ years before I quit. Anyway, the poem itself has one rhyme at the beginning and then none. As a suggestion, maybe you could separate it the poem into two stanzas making the first one end at the word finger. My favorite part is this:
"inhale the night/ and nicotine/ of all the places/ I have been."
That, makes me feel connected somehow to all of those places through more than just my memory; they are actually a physical part of me through my inhalation. Great lines!
Annie
"inhale the night/ and nicotine/ of all the places/ I have been."
That, makes me feel connected somehow to all of those places through more than just my memory; they are actually a physical part of me through my inhalation. Great lines!
Annie
12th Nov 2011 2:20am
I like how you set the scene of this smoker's corner. I also like the rhyme scheme used. I think overall it really captures the thought going into one action. Well done.
4th Jan 2012 8:14am
Definitely going on my reading list! I say this all the time! Ha! Great job!
