i wish i had been the artist, not the victim

drawing, doodling, freedom

nobody can stop you from drawing a line

patterns, objects, shapes, waves

nobody can stop you from drawing a line

you can do what you wish

with the piece of paper in front of you

scribble, sketch, paint

nobody can stop you from expressing yourself

on the piece of paper of your choice

 

taking control is in our hands, literally

whereas life, what if control is out of your hands

taking your life somewhere, so easy for those lucky people

drawing a life and achieving, freely

nobody and nothing stopping the wanted picture

from taking shape

 

i was unable to make a drawing of my own liking

confusing , painful , unpleasant to a viewers eye

lines were everywhere, disjointed, boring, confusing

inability to take on a pretty form

filled with teary eyes, arrows, black clouds

 

unlike the artist who can take control

i was different , outcome felt out of my hands

floating along , swimming in a sea of pain

until the picture took on a different shape

a different look, more arrows were appearing

the drawing looked like a dark and depressing mess

one i never even asked for

 

painting the pretty picture was out of my hands

literally , everything came crashing in

one thing after another , one thing after another

the rubbish pictures never improved

pain hidden, i never expressed my inner pain

for years, simply bottled within

i didn't know how to speak of what i was feeling

and felt unable to voice my emptiness, sadness , loneliness

 

i wish control was mine

i wish events never had the upper hand

and controlled the outcome of the picture

i should have been like an artist

pencil in one hand , paper on the table

free to take my life into shape

make a drawing of my wish

 

sadly , i wasn't like an artist

i was like a pencil, pushed one way then another

never having a choice , a say , a voice

directionless, victimised, just a stupid pencil

in the hands of a horrible artist

pushing me around , annoying me

frustrating, making me cry

 

we should be the artists with freedom to control

and take charge of our own life

sad state of affairs, when events have the upper hand