Why is for me.

I just finished today.
Everything came like it always did,no one noticing that feeling I dread.
I drift alone seeing the world in a pace that belongs to something else...agony.
I always feel this way in some sort but there are days where I ache for this feeling to come withstand me. To just take a part of me and rip me up., Out of nowhere this feeling comes and just takes not the best of me.
But part of of who I am.
Seeing someone did help sort of in a way , but you feel like they don't really listen to what you have to say.
And you don't feel like you can say all to them.
Doctors don't always prescribe the best way to live a life.
Eerily a Malicious creature just goes into the depth of Who you are, and takes what is precious to you ..whatever that may be.
And the worst part?
the people you see and know ..don't
really
know you.
You thought they did but they
don't.
Now what do you do?
Cutting doesn't work..   You already don't cut enough to bleed out just enough to feel something to drift that feeling afar.
Talking won't help because the ears that hear your voice just think that you are a gab and pretend but do not hear at all for the words you speak mean nothing to them.
Your voice has no words.
Living..what does that mean? for now all I am is a
living corpse
with a fret of tears that cry within for crying in public..is something that you yourself do not even tolerate.
Crying was taught to be a weakness and no matter what people say that has stuck with you till now.
now you don't cry no.
you don't cut whats the point?
You don't want to bleed out to ki--
wait.
What if you did?
Your already dead anyways so just making yourself off will just seem like putting something into place.
you just have to do, is just go all the way.

You can hang yourself
drown even
maybe even suffocation.
after all you breathed words that never came out..and they never will,
you have this black garbage bag and tie it around your neck
your already gasping...already heaving this distress of air coming inside your mouth gaping to get out.
just ready to take a place in where you ought to be..
but where is that?

you suddenly think..
could this possibly, truly be the only way out?
your hearts pounding your drying out and the last words you ever say ..:
"yes it is."