missing sun light

As I lay here I wonder about what it would be like to be human again. I wonder what it would be like to never have to drink blood what it would feel like to walk in the sunlight one more time at least once more to know the feeling of warmth and not knowing what its like to feel like a monster I love being a vampire but im starting to miss who I was in my first life I am starting to wonder if I were still human would I still be alive or would I have ended it early the human that I was was becoming weak and fragile emotional I was becoming detached from the strong side of myself I never was weak until I lost my love for those around me my lover, my family, even my self I lost all of it and now I wish I would have died younger but I never could have survived