r-Ape

what bares is barren--
stripped by friction of impetuous need
languid lips fluttering careless syllables,
chaos collecting to an order of stinging words
--finds home in scars, deep,
opens/bleeding--once again.  
i've fallen for this
once again--for you,

offend to defend.  scare off with shadow monster forms at slanted angles
exagerrated by light/blinding
oppose to attract--says romance
says delusion
says self-interest

what you want is.  waste me.  what you are is.
waste me.  
will cut to make you cry (ME) in a selfless crack of indecision
between your Self and my Self that is parasitic cystic
in your Self and mind.  

planted a seed
grew to make a masochistic head loop time warp of forever
in sliding reflections of
my face hating You.  
mine eyes
infected with the afterglow of your parting expression.
mixed distorted in a swimming subjective perspective of loathing
spending backwards
to the wrong end of this unjust premature divide.  

and my Self is cannibal.  
i remember promises fleeting to disguise in translation all true intention
and made a monster of devotion to plead the errant tamed.  
indelibly tamed, painfully tamed,
irreversibly tamed and castrated to civilized content.  

forced back into freedom, wide open
pastures once like opportunity once like possibility,
now feels like Lost
now feels like with-out a home and un-loving (un-ravel slowly) in wandering strides
between permanent horizons frozen in impossible hope misshaping with the mirage
of your memory that speaks a strange tongue.  
that forgot to speak how as mine
tongue
and mouth and larynx and cartlidge chords crippled with kisses that offered
more distance
than the intimacy advertised

i live though You forget me and learn to without me
too easily for me to believe
that i was ever alive in You at all.  

dispel, dissuade, discredit, distort, dispiriting to anger
every dissimilating ex-attachment igniting every nerve to a passionate hateful flame
burning belching
bile in barbarian barking rage bitching
cunting fucking shitting calamity causes climbing upon a
vengeful vexing vindication,
a vital vivacious violence to retain (restrict in retreated reformation)
preservation of Me over the alluring temptation of the eternal collapse
of me in You

the ground's bed
is taunting and (silence such seducing).    

I'll rape you for not loving me