"Like a Man"

Do you ever have nightmares?
Completely, and utterly scared to close your eyes?
Scared to look at your own body?

I do.
But they've slowed down a little.

Have you ever held something in for years?
Joked about it like it was supposed to happen?
Laughed about what was said?

I have.
But it just made it worse.

“You took it like a man”
That's what he said to me after
Kind of makes you think doesn't it?

“You took it like a man”
Joked my eighth grade best friend
What's that even supposed to mean?

“You took it like a man”
The 18 year old boy told me, age 13
Finally giving my body back to me

“You took it like a man”
Rape.
It wasn't taken, it was forced onto me.

“Why did you get in his truck?”
“Why didn't you call someone?”
“Why didn't you just get out?”

Asked by others who still have their innocence

I trusted him.
He held me down.
I told you, he held me down.  

I wanted away, I couldn't get away
I begged him to stop, he wouldn't
I told him to take me home, he pulled of the road
2014
The year it happened
13 years old

2017
The year I told
PTSD

2018
The current year
No trust

“You took it like a man”
Took what? Rape?
No, this was forced.