deepundergroundpoetry.com
In This With You
I am in this with you for the long haul
Because every little argument and fight
Is how willing I am to be with you all of
The time. Darling, no matter how small
Or loveless you feel I stand in the light
With you. I cannot let go of that love
Everyone is telling me to let go of to
Have something better, but this… this
Is real and as honest as it gets. I know
What we have is far from easy, but you
And I are worth it. This swirling abyss
Is what we fall into every day. We go
Right into that safe place and haven
Where I know nothing can hurt us.
Nothing can ever stand in the way
Of what we deserve; luck of a raven.
I do not care if people argue and discuss
Our life, but I have you at the end of the day.
Because every little argument and fight
Is how willing I am to be with you all of
The time. Darling, no matter how small
Or loveless you feel I stand in the light
With you. I cannot let go of that love
Everyone is telling me to let go of to
Have something better, but this… this
Is real and as honest as it gets. I know
What we have is far from easy, but you
And I are worth it. This swirling abyss
Is what we fall into every day. We go
Right into that safe place and haven
Where I know nothing can hurt us.
Nothing can ever stand in the way
Of what we deserve; luck of a raven.
I do not care if people argue and discuss
Our life, but I have you at the end of the day.
Published 4th Feb 2018
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4th Feb 2018 11:21am
It's not terrible. Not by a long shot, sufficial to say it's good. However, sometimes even the best poetry could use revision. Shit some of my poems could use work. I love the idea you have going, but in all honesty, there are errors here and there and I'd suggest breaking up your thoughts into stanzas rather than paragraphically attacking this one. Otherwise it just seems like a rant. At parts it was hard to keep up with because when it comes to poetry, knowing exactly where to break your lines is key to obtaining the maximum possible effect. If you wish, I could show you an example. :)
Don't be discouraged, it was a spectacular write and I hope to read more from you soon.
~ T
Don't be discouraged, it was a spectacular write and I hope to read more from you soon.
~ T
