WINTER OF DISCONTENT

In this dark season of winter,
life had completely lost reason for me,
For which or against to decide.do I live
or do I die
I am lost in a savage and endless,
rolling bleak tide
In my sadness and within my kindness
my light was switched off and in darkness.
I was left to mourn, with no thought of hope
In a winding hurricane, I was left with lies
Made of treachery and sorrow.
There was a pain in my heart, and an endless,
and colossal spear,
Piercing, slashing through my head.
Starting somewhere in heaven,
Ending somewhere in hell.
Fighting, burning, crying, crashing.
were the feelings pouring from me
In my head they were all thrashing.
rending me invalid, not existing anymore.
Just a human molecule laying prostrate on
the kitchen floor
It was merely my choice, to try to take my life
that day, my time on earth was done.
But the choice of the way I chose, was blocked barred
barricaded from within,
They didn't want me either.
Not on earth. nor in heaven.
Hell. is now where I reside.
It's an option of my voice to speak,
yet I use the magic of word, to allow me words
It's a thin line of gray. that I am straddling every day.
Is it my choice forced by fate, that I am still here,
apparently life is not finished with me yet.
Is it a pre-set time and date? when we are to die /
Or a choice to which I myself sway? nearly every day
But here's my story anyway….
"Nothing that I do ever matters
As all things my will merely shatter!"
All my hopes darkness scattered
As it seems my heart wants to win,
after fighting so hard to survive.
And to allow my mind to take over me.
Is horrendous as can be.

So Now I Have a purpose, live in this world,
warts and all. you have to accept me for what I am
or not at all
Acting out upon my childrens wishes, and my faithful
Facebook friends I will love you a lot"
That's what light then says to me, you are my light,
my way back, pathetic to some, I know, but nor do I care
anymore,
Because it wants to set me free. my friendships on here,
Winning slightly over me. if you hate me, that's on you
and not me,
These has been a lot of lies been whispered about me.
yet untrue, to those who know me.
Based upon the fear of my death!"
my children are sitting in this
Darkness and just yell at me:
A wall of ice and surrounds me now,
A freezing storm encapsulating me.
Into the air it takes me.
The pacifying, freezing fear taking over
My heart is covered in frost
And all I wished, is to be free,
Yet here I be