My Monster

Help me.
I’m screaming it in my head,
But nothing comes out but ‘I’m Fine’.
I’m being locked away for something I haven’t done,
I’m being punished,
But no crime was committed.
I’m in terrible pain,
But there is nothing to take it away.
I can’t break free of these chains,
And I’m just dying…
I’m dying with no one to help me,
With no light in my darkness,
And all I need right now is someone who will help me.
But I stay quiet.
Not because I want to,
But because he won’t let me.
He won’t let me shout or cry or scream for help.
He will not let me live my life in peace,
But in suffering and pain.
He makes me smile,
But it’s not real,
Only for a show.
My pain is his doing.
This Thing won’t let me live my life how I want to live it.
I’m afraid.
Afraid of ending things too soon,
And regretting my choices,
But He makes me unafraid,
He whispers in my ear,
Telling me to end everything,
To hurt myself,
He makes me do things I don’t want to,
But once it’s in my head I can’t stop thinking of it
And then it becomes my thought,
My wanting.
He makes it a part of me,
And I can’t stop it.
Once it’s apart of me,
There’s nothing I can do,
I can’t stop it,
I can’t make it disappear,
All I can do is act on it,
And the moment I am left alone,
I’ll be gone.
Not because I want to,
But because He wants it.
And He won’t stop until He has what He wants.
The moment I try to fight back,
I try to take my life back,
He puts me through the worst pain yet,
And everytime I fight it,
It gets worse and worse until I can’t breathe,
Until my heart is strained.
I’m in unbearable pain,
He takes away everything from me,
He takes away what I love,
And destroys it.
No one knows about this Thing
They just know I’m suffering a little.
No one knows how much,
How long I’ve been suffering.
I keep it hidden,
Hidden away where no one can see except me,
Somewhere He guards,
Protecting it to protect Himself.
Help me.
I’m screaming it in my head,
But nothing comes out but ‘I’m Fine’.
It’s all because of Him.