Mistakes and Fuck Ups

I made a mistake
One that makes every beat of my heart stab painfully
One that crawls up my throat and makes me want to cry
One that makes every blink of my eyes sting
One that makes my adrenaline flow and my legs feel like running
One that makes my hands twitch and want to type the words I need to say and you don't need to hear
One that makes my head pound on the left side above and behind my ear
One that makes my back bend in on itself as I remember
One that makes me want to scream
One that makes my lungs squeeze painfully empty and then inhale too slowly
One that makes my nails dig into my palms
One that makes my stomach feel empty
One that makes my mouth dry
One that makes my arms ache to hold you
One that makes me want to crush you close to me
One that makes me realise I'm not good enough for you
One that makes me realise maybe this isn't good for you
One that makes me realise I'm falling too slowly
One that makes me realise I'm a failure for you
One that makes me realise I need to try harder
One that makes my muscles stone.
One that makes my mind blank
One that makes me learn
One that makes me better than this
One that makes me better for you
One that makes me, for you.