Purple Pillow

 


Purple Pillow
By,
Z.S.

I know a purple pillow
And it's an easy pill to swallow
Crack it with your teeth
Find no more sorrow to wallow in
When you're twenty pillows deep
Now you can follow me
As I creep out this hollow
I know
The steps are steep
But follow
Meet me tomorrow
Where the water runs shallow
Greet me where the fields are fallow
Scream at me fellows
Before this insanity
Absently swallows what's left of my serenity
Propped up
By the purple pillows people pop in the space in their face
Parades packaged parallel to panicked paragraphs in paraphrase
I guess I'll participate while looking for a place
To delay the cognitive decay
Contained in this estate
Of embraced mistakes
And erase these tendencies to evade or obey
And create an awake state
To control these urges to escape
I clung to superficiality like a monk
With the taste of the slums
On my tongue and in my lungs
Loved and intrepidly young with
So much accomplished but nothing really done
Strung between a noose and a gun
Stuck in between like being strung between the moon and the sun
Strung between that lost and those just begun
Simply strung out and out strung
I can't keep this
But I really feel I need it
I wonder can I control it?
Cuz I can't breath sick
And I can't seem to see past this
It's just a cycle of too much
A life left untitled but still fucked
Standing idle with ill luck
Still a little wild and a little stuck
I can't clutch my crutches
With these broken hands
Should I give up?
I know a way will come eventually
They say it comes to those
Who seek prosperity
But I've been prospering hostility
While fostering lost leads
And it's leading me to be lost see?
And really the scene's
Becoming awfully costly
So I share the cost for free
Perhaps penciling in a percent of a perfect performance thing
Will avoid a persistent and permanent penalty
Before it kills me
As I calmly lose these beliefs
And am persuaded by a pessimistic personality
Cuz even sober these purple pills fill me
Hostility becomes consuming
Even as amused possibilities bruise me
Personal purple poison in hospital beds freezing
In narcon sweats with the doctor signing guilty
The lights on in a dark that's seething
Reeling from a horizon that's twinkling
With Orion that won't let me sleep
Trying to draw the way shadows freeze
And how their sorrow weeps
In a way that borrows for keeps
Belligerent in a rigorous bitterness
Deliberately taking barbiturates to be more considerate
Consider it
Here is the difference
For instance
Joy is a fickle tormentor
A specter and oppressor with a wicked temper
I've been its debtor since I was a little boy, so like forever
Even as a child I was sad
How fucked up is that?
So as I grew older I learned to grow a mask
And make demons do what I ask
They devised an improvised sacrifice
It  looked like a concise device
I was young and their false hope and lies enticed
Now I know I'm paying their price
And cuz little Zacky didn't play nice
He might end up still sleeping in the ice
But I'm still breathin'
Noddin' out and still screamin'
It really does numb the pain
Maybe I do need it
Cuz I never learned to make it go away
All on my own
Who knows maybe I was too afraid and had too much on my plate
And now I don't even know how to end this poem
So I'll just say
Have a purple pillow
Good day