Tuesday

I was in the town I grew up in
She ran to catch fire flies while I stared at the street lights
Concrete feels more grainy than I remember
Wondering whats going on with the weather
We cruised down the street on our boards like loose feathers
It was 10 or 11,or a time I can't remember


I felt like the cover of an ep of an emerging punk band
Street lights and blurry moons
Untied laces and sweaty hands
But I've got so many library books I've got to take back?
And I wonder what will happen if I don't, will they keep track
I used to think of you like the lose pages:
Simple and quaint
Like battery opperated radios, pay phones, rented skates

So we
Find new songs to call our anthem
Every week a new triumph sung
Ignoring ex-friends tantrums
forgotten illusions we never cared to hum
Counters filled with toast crumbs

Driving seems to be all we do
Watch some live music, borrow your shoes
To look cool without showing were bruised
With our own disparaging ideals
Of what things used to be like before we all grew

I kept almost swerving because I was thinking of our future Saturdays
Bug spray and warm days
Admitting our selfish ways
And I've been thinking so much about why we've become this way
I used to be able to fall asleep so easily
But now all I do I'd think of what could be better in between my sunken sheets
And unlike the people I used to see
And despise on social media
I'm aware why I'm single is because of my own criteria
I could have been in so many relationships if I didn't hate everyone
And for the rest that I did care for to find my flaws faster than I could block them

I've always been taught not to reveal all my cards yet
that's probably why I have issues connecting instead hardening
And I'm sorry that it can't be like movies
Or when it is it's just fleeting,
I'm so sorry to me but also you
For setting expectations I only except aren't true
when I'm driving down dark roads with dark feelings, past curfew

So this is it
What it's like to feel like shit
what it's like past all that
What It's Like past
cold nights warm baths

I've tried writing so many songs about you but the truth is I'm scared of people knowing I can't do what you do:
Just delete people off of social media and act like I never knew
(Them)

I watched 13 Schoolbuses pass at 10:37 PM
I wondered where they could be going at 10:37 PM
but 13 is my lucky number so I guess it's a sign
give butterfly kisses to the past, and just stop my whining