out of line

once you asked me
think about it
what did that moment
took from you
what did you loose there
as if that moment
when I almost
pull her out of bed
by her hair
and pushed her on the floor
when she fall on her back
with the horror in her eyes
with all these memories
that she avoided
and still avoids to recollect
and me the sadist
insisting to talk about it
and that beer bottle
gaping her ass
the words I read there
poked my eyes
the secret chats
with her fuck-dog
I cracked again
and pushed myself
to read
to know…

as if that moment
is one of those
lines splitting our lives
to before
and after
as if it was then
when I lost it…

…but it was not that moment
far from it
and I didn’t do it
what I did was years ago
when we were far away
talking on the phone
and I thought
I put her on hold
and I said out loud
to myself
"how stupid are you"
but not with these words
and she awkwardly reminded me
"you’re still there"
on the phone

…what a jerk I was

it happened right there
and not with these words
yet it was
cynical
and cruel…

when I drew the line