Sideline confrontation

Hey y'all wait a minute, let me tell y'all how I became a a side dude instead of the main dude.

Let me tell y'all how it first started, when I met her it was like love at first sight. The day we begun talking was the best conversation of my life.  I found out that we had so much in common with writing poems and short stories. I also figure out that when she upset or depression kicks in she writes to ease the pain like I do. At one point, I was asking God was it true, because that was the first female that had the interest like I did. Our conversation was basically texting the whole time, but as we became friends every day my feelings was going deeper and deeper as I was just listen to her in person. She barely looked at my heart, because we was living in the generation where guys just wanted to smash and pass.  The generation made it worse for all good people who was trying to approach or find love. See the generation was so full of evil, twisted and devilish people who play, use and abuse good people just for the fun of it. Half of the people that turned dark was good people as well, but when the wrong person came along if that person don't have a strong mind its a disaster. See, I was the type that I wanted to make love and make it last for a long time. I love a female for the right reasons, for example her heart, mind, and soul I didn't really care about the sex or the pleasure, as long as she was there that was the only thing that really matters to me.   As days goes by, I was sending her good morning or night texts, because I really had feelings for her and trying to show her that she always on my mind, plus I was ready to make her my girl.

Several weeks later,  My feelings has grown deeper and deeper, So its just popped up and we were officially a couple.  Two month in, we were doing great, but she was acting funny a little bit. I didn't pay attention to the signs , because nobody not even one of my supposed to be friend didn't tell me. I was so blinded by my love for her that I couldn't see it either. Out of nowhere, she wanted to break up and I was like why? It shocked me, because we was in school the whole time and everybody seen how happy I was, but when that happen, I looked like a fool in front my school family.  I was so desperately in love with her that I even said I will still be there for her as a side dude.

This was the summer of 2016, I was happy to pass my classes of the spring semester. The whole summer I was at home relaxing, every day and night I was thinking about what could I have done or what I'm going to do to bring her back home. I always told her that my heart was her home and I love her everyday. At the beginning of the summer, she promised me that I was going to be her first, because she said that I deserve it. When she told me that,  I was so happy and it boosted me on the inside. I literally was like I have me a faithful girlfriend that she is not going to give it away to anyone. I thought it was true, because our first kiss was under the moon light and God was watching over us while we spent time together. It was one day that I didn't hear from her in a week or almost a week, so that's when it happened that she broke the promise. I was so hurt that  I couldn't think at All and  it was round about that time we was back in school. When she told me that, I lost all focus and attention. I had got on my knees and cried so hard when I went home. The whole situation fucked me up physically, mentally and emotionally, but I love her so hard that I even took her back in when she said she want to come home. Now, you know that you really have to love and care about a person that much to go back to that individual after all that and she was not even my wife.  

Truth be told it was dead from the start. He was her first and I knew that she was gone. I tried so hard to get her to know that I'm here and I love her, but it was not working. As I was showing her, I felt like a jackass the whole time.  See I figured it out, once this guy had sex with her I knew that she was his pussy and she was sprung.  it was her first time, she is always going to be weak for him, because she loved him that much that  she gave him her love and just left me dry. This what happens when some people have their first time with the ones that they really want and besides she was weak minded.  I was a officially side dude, because any time the main dude messed up I came in and she came in. When he left and she came home, I was so excited. I let her come home even after the broken promise, because I love her that much. When she came back the broken promise was still haunting me and I couldn't shake it. I tried so hard to love her, but little did I know that they was on a break and she was more focus on him than me. The more I gave, the more she was pulling away me, because her heart beats his favorite song. The whole situation between us was Rocky, because we were constantly at each other throats about something stupid shit. There were times when I set up dates so that we can talk things out, but she refused every time, because she was ashamed of me. it was so stupid how we couldn't get along, at the time  I was thinking was it me causing the problem. The main reason why we could not coexist is because he came back and ask her to marry him. I was really shocked that she had him on the side the whole time. At first, I thought He was gone, but I was wrong. now I know why we couldn't get along, because of she let him come in between us. She immediately said yes without even considering me or even thinking about us and what we been through.
I was doing everything a man had to do to keep his woman, but I had to realize I can't make a female stay when she want to go.

To be honest, it crushed me when I found out about the broken promise and she getting engaged. When I know that she had never sex in her life, I WAS so excited I never met one, because the generation that we living in females was having sex at a early age.  I guess when he knew that there was another guy he made his move on her. She was weak for him so she gave it up. Still to this day, I love her and still feel the same way I did before. I asked myself will I ever take her back and I said yea, because even though she did what she did I still love her. When you give a person your heart and  he or she just break it or throw it away like it ain't shit, it hurts like hell. I am a man to say that I have done everything to keep her here with me, but I couldn't make her stay.  About four semesters going on five, I been there for her, but it seems like it was bull shit. Going back to him shown me that she was unappreciated and ungrateful. I have done a whole lot for her not because I wanted to I loved her like that. I honestly believe that she Will never understand how much I really love her. Right now, she obsessed with him like I was with her.

I thought something was going to change as I was being there for her, helping her and showing that I love and care, but it wasn't working. I was crazy about this female, but our heart was not attached to each other. I loved her flaws, plus the good and bad that comes with it.   The way she is crazy about him and would do anything for him I can't compete with that, besides that is her first and she will do anything for him. Its crazy how she would just drop me, because of him. I got so heated, because I wanted her to love me like that, but the way she made it seems it took only one fuck from him. Out of everything we done in that school, I couldn't believe that she was going to get married and forget about me. It hurted, when she went behind my back and crossed me. This was a downfall to me, because I lost a female to another guy, I always wanted a female to love me and be in love with me at the same time.

Now after all the drama that happen it turned me into a monster, power tripping, demanding respect and love from everybody. My feelings got caught up.and I had got way too attached to her that every time I see her I HAVE to talk to her. My heart is in controlled of my brain and it's getting out of hand. For the ones that read this, never get too attached to a person that you barely know, please take this from me. If you love someone, love that individual for real, because there are too many people coming and going. don't play games with nobody heart, because these days individuals get their lives taken for bull shit like this. keep your guard up, because these days the closest one to you is stabbing you. Don't judge what you don't know. Have fun and live life. Treat others the you want to be treated.