Safe

I hear these sounds… and it’s like I’m dreaming. I hear these sounds and I’m not afraid. For once your touch does not make me tense up, it doesn’t send a shiver down my spine. You are safe. You are safe and I say this to myself over and over again because I never want this feeling of security to go away. I don’t even for a moment question what these sounds are that I’m hearing. They sound shimmery and light. They almost remind me of being at a school dance in the 80’s. Quickly, as if lightning had struck the ground right in front of me, the sound fades out and I can sense my stomach clenching. I feel the heat rising in my body, the anxieties racing through my mind. The sounds become dark and heavy. I hear these sounds, and I am afraid. These sounds are loud and shake the ground. I back away… slowly as to not draw much attention to myself selfishly, out of fear of what would happen to me. Tears, like waterfalls, pour down my face. I am scared. You are not safe. Why are you not safe? You walk over to me and I back away, out of fear.
“ENOUGH!”
Okay. Enough. Enough of what though? Oh you weren’t done.
“Enough of the tears, enough of the drama, enough of the…”
I see. You don’t remember. Or you don’t care and you were just really good at pretending you did. Now everything we worked for is gone. It doesn’t matter. Because it’s “drama.”
Well, I guess all I have to say is nothing because you’ve made me so afraid of my own voice that I won’t speak up around any man. Just so you know, a daughter should not have to beg her father for a relationship.