All the little things.

Things I remember:
You.
The way your arms wrapped around me.
Softness, happiness.
My birthday, the night we both cried all night.
The nights we almost...
The nights we did.
The first night, and the last.

Things I remember:
You telling me to leave the room so you could be mad without scaring me.
Anger. Lots of it.
Yelling, crying, making up, making out .
Always fighting but we were in love.

Things I remember:
The taste of your lips. Better than my own.
The sound of your heart.
My fingers wrapped in your hair.
Your hair.
You.

Things I remember:
Losing weight. A lot. Too much.
Getting sick. The worse my body the worse my brain.
Breaking. Cutting. Binging. Purging.
The worse I got the more i hurt you.

Things I remember:
How you taste. Your hands, chest, lips, everywhere.
Kissing every part of you because even though you didn't love it I did.
You holding me and never letting go. Not when the world shook and i couldn't see you over the memories.
You loving me. More than anyone ever had and ever will.

Things I remember:
The end.
Actually there were two endings with a relapse in the middle.
Like we were addicted to each other.
I loved you. So much.
But i had to be alone, you never understood.
I had to get better. You did too, without me.
I did it wrong.

Things I remember:
Everything.
The good .
The bad.
The love.
The hate.
The anger.
The happiness.
The tears.
The tears.
The tears.
Everything.

Things I know:
I'm madly in love with you.
I'm so much better now.
You hate me. You're not better and you hate me.
And sometimes i hate you.
But I'm never gonna not be in love with you.

Things that i know:
I wrote you this poem.
And a thousand more before it.
But you hate me.
And you'll never know they exist.