I can't fuck you like we used to

Somewhere along the line it stopped being sex
At least with you
I used to love every moan and shiver I could pull from you
Now it feels like obligation
Every time my name would escape your soft lips
It sounded angel-crafted
dripping with seduction
now... you're barely enough
at least when you're willing

You go to work early and come home late every day
I know what you're doing
You've done it in the past
So when you give yourself to me now, it's revolting
my skin crawls at your tainted touch
but I do it so you don't victimize yourself once more
and threaten suicide
.....again

I feel raped when you say you love me
I haven't felt your love in quite a long time
(Or my paychecks either, I assume I fund your slutty nights)
You only touch me when we're both drunk
no longer off each other's kiss
but separate bottles in separate rooms
it's just as well I suppose
you can't feel the full extent of what I do to you
you bruise less easy

At least I can fuck you the way you love now
rough, violent, painful
no longer afraid to hurt you, I long for it
I need the release of causing you pain
and while I masquerade it as passion
it feeds darker things within