"He Killed His Boyfriend, His Only Best Friend."

"I forgive you." - Mallie

No one understands when I say "I shot that man", you do, don't you when you stand over my bed with that hole in your head-I said I was sorry, didn't I?
I wish I never pulled that trigger, maybe been a little bigger of a man against those cold killers, but I wasn't and wishing doesn't bring you back, does it?
Your voice was never something mad and made me feel so much better, made that ice around my heart just alittle wetter, though the love that aches now you'll never know I felt, will you?
Now that you've gone I walk through my head over and over hoping to find some source of the old you, I just wish I really knew that I loved you just like you loved me, but soon after searching I'll get lost, won't I?
A man loving a man is against everything my father believes but that doesn't matter to me because in setting you free, I can finally be who I've always wanted to be, it's sad, isn't it?
What was I trying to prove? That I could hold a gun? Or I could listen well, but when you said those last three words I felt my brain get vast in guilt, or pain, was it?
So I sit in my room now, trying to bow out of this empty life, suicide is not something I've thought of greatly but for some reason I've thought it lately, here look the knife the one my sister carries so near close to her arms, those pills are so close God it kills to know I can just eat them up and sleep again, a rope that I know and have met before but now I cannot cope and need to drown out the rest of the world...

Because if you're not in my life, there's no reason to be living.