What a lie

Anticipation, shaking, dry mouth.
Longing, cruel wanting...
Waste of time, waste of energy, waste of space.

No hope, no possibility, no specific reason...
No effort. Not caring. Not careful. Not special...

"I'm fine."
Broken, lifeless. Weak.

Scared, scarred, scattered, scrapped, scraping by.
Taking it day by day.
"I'm okay."
What a joke, what a lie.