The outcome

Pain and regret, is all that is left.           I lost the bet a long time ago.                  I dont mind though.                                        I tried my best.                                
                                                          Sober, and in mad distress, I punch the wall hopelessly, trying to cleanse myself of the demon that is haunting me. The blood stains are all over me, some even turned black. No matter how many times I wash my hands and body,they will never leave, as they are a part of me now.                                                  Crying old soul i lay you to rest, thinkin' that its best for me not to think.                                                              In fact, I greeted Satan with a wink and shook his hand.                                                  The deal is shut.                                    It's crystal clear.                                     I'm never coming back.                             The end is full of ice, and smoke, and black..                                              I broke her mind, her spirit and her heart, displaying my urge to self destruct.                                             Abusing all these bulbs and drugs and blades and pills, stealing her cash.  I wonder what kind of opinion she has about me after watching me lie to her face for five years, or such.                       All this shit for a small rush..  And when they ask me, "What's up",  I shake my head and answer, "I am happy, all is good", simultaneously trying to figure out a way to tighten my grip around them.                       The web is growing endlessly.           Yet all it takes for my empire to fall,                                                   is love, and hugs, and honesty, and cuddling.                                      Feelings,                                         nothing more.                                   When she dies of grief , due to my departure, I will never speak again. Nor will i smile.                                        I will be there , besides her grave, taking care of her with the same excitement and determenation she used to have, sobbing silently, in case anyone hears.