NINE OUT OF TEN

Months ago, as the cyclone gathered steam I wondered,
Is THIS IT? My first big love?
So many things they say about first love were true
for me in the way that I fell hard and fast for you

the insanity I felt as our souls were busy merging
my brain and body full of only you,
couldn't concentrate, could only day dream,
sitting around sighing like a lovestruck fool,

Days I felt I was nothing but part of something
Something that was somehow more thrilling than a roller coaster ride,
I was so full, that I couldn't write-
a pencil sharpener so jammed with shavings it could not empty

I know yes, in SO many ways you are this big explosive first
This initiation into love and human merging and SEX,
nine out of ten babe! nine out of ten!
But babe, I think the one missing digit breaks it all...

A minor deviation, something falls flat
Perhaps wrapped up in the very fact
that I can't even tell you
you're my first real lover?

It's easy to ignore, as the fire blazes
I could be wrong, I could be wrong,
please let me be wrong, I pray,
(as my mind scans for other options)...

And even as I sat sighing
and staring out the window with thoughts of you
I wasn't imagining you and me a house and car
It never went that far...
(Okay so maybe a stray thought of the babies we'd have but...
That's just some run of the mill romantic dirty talk...)

trying to cram a casual relationship into a serious box
which like a stuffed pencil sharpener DOES NOT WORK
How do I come to terms with the fact that my first time falling isn't all that?
That it's special but not special enough to last?
Or even be an epic love poem in its own right?
That I could walk away and though it might come close
I don't believe my heart would actually break.....