What am I

What am I
what are we
I've lost myself in you
Like undertow pulled me out to sea
And you'll never know the secrets of me

How I've felt all this time
knowing I'm not good enough to call you mine
Do you know what I see when I look in the mirror
A woman not worthy of your affection or your tears
would you believe me when I say
Everything about myself I've tried to change

Is my hair long enough, Is it the wrong color
Am I not enough perfection for you to call me your lover
Is my character shallow,Are my eyes lacking depth
Am I not thin enough, Am I too mouthy,Are my teeth pristine white
Questions that haunt me day noon and night

Are my nails not manicured high enough to your liking, Is my lipstick the wrong shade
Did you not find enough pleasure in the love that we made
Is your silence punishment for a mistake, something I may have said
and I toss and I turn each night in my bed

I think too much, anxiety grips me
because in your arms is the only place I find safety
Fear of your disappointment is like an awning
It hovers over me, like a predator stalking
Because I feel like I am not good enough, So many times I've thought of letting you go-but I don't want to
Cause it hurts to know, I'm not any different and I mean nothing to you
I should know better, now that we're grown
yet I still feel like the same girl I was all those years ago

Its almost funny in an ironic way
I wasn't good enough then, why would I be today?