deepundergroundpoetry.com
Smile
I smile when you talk,
Even if not of good,
Away ill not let you
walk,
Feels like it should.
I think highly of you,
Never
low,
Of the things you do,
Hold me and never let go.
Your
mine,
I see your light,
You will always shine,
It is so
bright.
I say 'I Love You,'
And you smile,
I hear 'I
Love you too boo,'
You will be in my heart for a while.[/font]
Even if not of good,
Away ill not let you
walk,
Feels like it should.
I think highly of you,
Never
low,
Of the things you do,
Hold me and never let go.
Your
mine,
I see your light,
You will always shine,
It is so
bright.
I say 'I Love You,'
And you smile,
I hear 'I
Love you too boo,'
You will be in my heart for a while.[/font]
Published 23rd Jun 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Jun 2011 10:39pm
Love you man! hahaha nice poem,i was in love once. Turns out she used me to get popular,that bitch
23rd Jun 2011 10:43pm
23rd Jun 2011 10:49pm
i know what you mean,ive never truly been in love but i do love. Hahaha we dated four times after that xD
23rd Jun 2011 11:03pm
24th Jun 2011 7:42pm
24th Jun 2011 7:55pm
As an honest critique, I think this poem comes crashing down at the end. The last line is just so indifferent, and it puts as far as I can tell, the completely wrong tone on the rest of the poem (which is upbeat in my interpretation).
Unfortunately because of the rhyming scheme, I think you're forced to write it this way, but you sacrifice huge meaning in the process.
For those people that have truly touched my life, they will be in my heart forever, not just a while, even if I'm no longer in love with them. Perhaps that's just me.
Anyway, up to the end I thought that poem wasn't too bad, a little contrived, but certainly has a warm, fuzzy feeling to it which is a good thing.
Unfortunately because of the rhyming scheme, I think you're forced to write it this way, but you sacrifice huge meaning in the process.
For those people that have truly touched my life, they will be in my heart forever, not just a while, even if I'm no longer in love with them. Perhaps that's just me.
Anyway, up to the end I thought that poem wasn't too bad, a little contrived, but certainly has a warm, fuzzy feeling to it which is a good thing.
24th Jun 2011 8:56pm
Finally someone says something... Thank you.
Im a young writer, and have given it up for the longest time, But im starting again.
Im a young writer, and have given it up for the longest time, But im starting again.
24th Jun 2011 8:57pm
http://poemhunter.com/kyle-abell/
This has some of my other poems.
Feel free to read.
This has some of my other poems.
Feel free to read.
