A Broken Christmas

I always tried to be strong.
I always tried to hide how horrible I felt.

Always pretending to be okay, for those who I love and deeply care for.

I've had many walk out on me,
and many people pass away.

There is no mask to hide what is real..
I often have these thoughts.

I ponder of something terrifying.
Fear will win and peace will lose.

The two people I love the most ..
I never thought would feel the way they do..

I guess the truth hurts..

I suppose I was only a burden.
Someone always needing help.
Someone that couldn't even take care of themselves..

The silence consumes my once screaming mind, as I slit my wrists for the first time in almost three months..

The last time I felt this bad, I messaged you and asked if I could hang out for awhile because I was afraid I would give in..

I don't know what's real anymore.
I don't know what's true anymore..

I'm being forced to deal with what I feel..

I guess I was never meant to be.
I guess a lot of people will get what they've wished for..

One thing consists of consistance..
We're all battling fear..

Now I sit here in silence..
I cried on the 45 minute walk home..
I walked into my room and grabbed my best friend.. the only one who understands..

The only one who will never turn their back on me..

This razor blade will fix what is broken..

I never meant to ruin your happy family.. or your happy holidays..

But it's okay now..
Without me.. things will be better