deepundergroundpoetry.com
Acid rain
Shine a light
Follow the clue
Pathway to destruction
Which direction is for you?
How can I proceed in the game
If you won't tell me the aim
Trust is the final word
How can I take your promise
Ask me to fall in your rain,
Understand your pain
How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar.
Follow the clue
Pathway to destruction
Which direction is for you?
How can I proceed in the game
If you won't tell me the aim
Trust is the final word
How can I take your promise
Ask me to fall in your rain,
Understand your pain
How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar.
Published 14th Dec 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 518
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
"How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar."
I really liked that last line! I like the contemplative nature of this piece. Almost as if the narrator is walking through the process in their mind before finally reaching a decision. I liked the salt metaphor because in my mind, it lent more power to the choice. If one were to take a spoonful of salt while expecting sugar, they would most likely spit it out. I felt that you did that with the last line and it was great.
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar."
I really liked that last line! I like the contemplative nature of this piece. Almost as if the narrator is walking through the process in their mind before finally reaching a decision. I liked the salt metaphor because in my mind, it lent more power to the choice. If one were to take a spoonful of salt while expecting sugar, they would most likely spit it out. I felt that you did that with the last line and it was great.
16th Dec 2015 10:22pm
Thankyou for acknowledging what I was trying to get across. I sometimes get worried that people will misunderstand what I am trying to say, however you hit the nail on the head and got it in one. Narrating a lifestyle in itself is difficult, throwing in a little metaphor helps a long the way. Thankyou for your kind comment. Much appreciated.
