deepundergroundpoetry.com
Acid rain
Shine a light
Follow the clue
Pathway to destruction
Which direction is for you?
How can I proceed in the game
If you won't tell me the aim
Trust is the final word
How can I take your promise
Ask me to fall in your rain,
Understand your pain
How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar.
Follow the clue
Pathway to destruction
Which direction is for you?
How can I proceed in the game
If you won't tell me the aim
Trust is the final word
How can I take your promise
Ask me to fall in your rain,
Understand your pain
How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar.
Published 14th Dec 2015
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"How can I be sure?
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar."
I really liked that last line! I like the contemplative nature of this piece. Almost as if the narrator is walking through the process in their mind before finally reaching a decision. I liked the salt metaphor because in my mind, it lent more power to the choice. If one were to take a spoonful of salt while expecting sugar, they would most likely spit it out. I felt that you did that with the last line and it was great.
With the look that's so bitter
Trust you... Never.
because even salt looks like sugar."
I really liked that last line! I like the contemplative nature of this piece. Almost as if the narrator is walking through the process in their mind before finally reaching a decision. I liked the salt metaphor because in my mind, it lent more power to the choice. If one were to take a spoonful of salt while expecting sugar, they would most likely spit it out. I felt that you did that with the last line and it was great.
16th Dec 2015 10:22pm
Thankyou for acknowledging what I was trying to get across. I sometimes get worried that people will misunderstand what I am trying to say, however you hit the nail on the head and got it in one. Narrating a lifestyle in itself is difficult, throwing in a little metaphor helps a long the way. Thankyou for your kind comment. Much appreciated.
